Diplomacy is a Passion of mine. Being an Ambassador? The Science and Psychology of Conflict Resolution.
This is Human Chemistry on a Level.
I found this precious door only a few weeks ago, and the moment I stepped into it, I knew I was home.
- Ragtime
- Booker T. Washington
- Selma
- 1776
- Ben Franklin
- Molasses To Rum
- Ghandi
Now I knew what it all was for. This last week of my life is a testament to everything I studied.
Tit-For-Tat Strategy sits at the Heart of all of this.
This is very Simple : Either you have people who live in the World of Logic and who do want Peace above all else or… They live in the World of Rhetoric — Tit-For-Tat Strategy — where their Ego is prized above Peace.
Under no circumstances — Ever — Should someone who Values Ego above Peace EVER be in a position of Decision Making.
Tit-For-Tat Strategy — In Community Gaia — is an immediate grounds for dismissal. It immediatly communicates that Rhetoric For Ego to Display “Power” (Size) is more important that Peace and Logic.
People without Diplomacy Skills simply are not permitted beyond this Level of Community Gaia. Which is why everything Stops here. Right here. And why this Course is the very first thing we cover.
In short, Tit-For-Tat Strategy is what Criminals and Prisoners use to determine “Who Is Bigger” and is where the term “Take It Outside” originated from.
- Picking Fights
- Passive Aggressiveness
- Talking about someone in the 3rd Person while they are Watching
- Instigating Conflict
All in attempt to Measure “Who Is Bigger?” It is The “Big” Metric. Nothing more. Nothing less.
This begins in our Toddler years when Parents say in praise, “Wow! You’ve gotten so BIG!” For many of us, the only approval we ever received from Parents. For many of us, the only time we ever were “Seen.” When we were Measured — literally — on a wall to see how BIG we’ve grown. Instilling that “This is what matters” and “This is what makes Mummy and Daddy Proud.”
It really makes me pause here to ask — Perhaps we shouldn’t be Measuring how “BIG” we are like its an Accomplishment… but also… Don’t “knee jerk reaction” swing the other way now either. Instead, we need to sit in the “Thinking Space” away from Black and White Extremes and Ponder where the Middle Ground is on this one.
The “BIG” Metric begins at the 2nd Ethical Perspective and it nears its end at the 5th Ethical Perspective when “My Lawyer is Bigger than your Lawyer” or “My car is bigger than your car” introduces “the end” of Tit-For-Tat Strategy.
At The 6th Ethic, “BIG-ot” Metrics are then exchanged for Ethical Metrics… but is usually done in an Unethical “BIG-ot” Way. “My Ethics are better than your Ethics!”
… Vegans. We are all looking at you. PITA. You too.
Only at the 7th Ethic — after The 6th Ethic of Equal Footing is learned — does a person stop Measuring others altogether. Measuring People is Measuring Values and Worth, which means a Person is not Priceless, but rather, they have a Worth that can be Measured based on how “BIG” they are according to Subjective and Arbitrary Standards.
I wonder… How much will an Education in this change this? Will it put a significant “dent” in the Bigotry?
Shaming the Behavior and then adding a Twinge — and I do mean a Twinge — of properly placed Humility at the precise Moment of Human “Chemistry” Cooking will go a long way to solve this
I think back to the Dunce Hats of old and the Public Humiliation Teachers of today use in Classrooms. The Humility Dosage is way too high for it to be effective.
This topic really came to a head for me when, among my peers in a Social Group of 50+ People — most of whom were Strangers — one individual cornered me, quite passive aggressively, to goad me into “Saying God’s Name” in a type of “Forced Confession.”
I answered very Simply “I don’t play that Game. The Focus is The Mission and and to Unite and not Divide with Chaos.”
To which, he later replied, with a Passive Aggressive insult and Accusation, which he wrote about me in the 3rd Person so I could read it. I knew exactly what that was.
A challenge to test just how “Big” I measured up to him. I grew up being assaulted with 30 Years in tit-For-Tat Strategy. I was a Master at this and also, so bored with this. I knew the Game.
Let’s look at Tit-For-Tat Strategy. When a Challenge is presented, you have three Options.
- Stand Down or Stay Silent = Submission resulting in Disrespect and Abuse that tells the Abuser “They are a Doormat!”
- Accepting The Challenge = Battle for Domination in Rhetoric, in which Shouting Matches ensue… hence… The Internet and Political Debate.
- Stand Above Them (If you can) and Crush them with a Twinge of Humility to push them down, make a Fool of them to the Room, and “be the bigger man” with Grace, while also Shaming them for their behavior all the while Defending yourself to show “I won’t allow you to talk to me that way,” and offering to “MEET ME OUTSIDE!” while also extending an Olive Branch and diffusing the Conflict.
Did I mention I’ve been doing this for 30 years?
The problem is — and here is the catch — Tit-For-Tat Strategy is a Rhetoric Game and not a Logic Game. The Abuser will fake Logic to “lure” you into the Game while Fawning Innocence and Naive. If you approach with Logic and Reasoning, they Deny and Fawn more Innocence. And if you abandon Logic and join their Rhetoric Game, they attack with Passive Aggression.
It is a Guaranteed Loss for the Victim… Unless… You can Go Bigger than them and crush them with Humility from the Top. You have to beat them at their own Game.
You can read all about this crap in Abuse Proof You : The Narcissist Cure where you can learn all their “Bag Of Tricks.”
Bottom Line, Tit-For-Tat Strategy is void of Manners and The Golden Rule. And that is your Ace Card. If they were using Manners, then they would not be using Tit-For-Tat Strategy or Rhetoric. Now, if you are dealing with an Unethical — Game over. This doesn’t matter. You cannot Shame them for their Manners. They are proud that they have no manners.
Your best bet is to work the Conversation with Socratic Method until the Conversation is so ludicrous that the Audience — who they insisted on having present for “Their Victory” and “Your Downfall” — laughs at their foolishness like a Naked Emperor.
But if they are Ethical and they Pride themselves on Manner or Ethics — Pride is their Weakness. Show the room how Unethical and Shameful they are behaving. Do not laugh at them. For a Comedian never laughs at their own jokes and then you look like the Fool. When you’re funny, the Audience Laughs. And that is the other Angle you can play.
People who use “BIG” Metrics are attracted to people who they can “Take Down like Trophies” to prove how “BIG” they are. Only… You had better know your opponent, or you look like a fool.
I am a World Class Logician. I get a LOT of “BIG” Metric People. Specifically the ones who Measure their “BIG” in Logic, Ethics, or Knowledge. And they always come at me with Tit-For-Tat Strategy and Rhetoric. I roll my eyes. Here we go again.
In the World of Diplomacy this Skill is everything. Because — Unfortunately — You have a lot of Influential people in positions of Decision Making. Not Power. Decision Making. And now begins the Subtle Dance of remaining Neutral and keeping yourself disengaged while Logic and a cool head allow you to navigate Confrontational Conversation with Strategy.
Why? To preserve their Ego… until they present an Opening in a Game of Tit-For-Tat Strategy that allows you to crush them.
And then they laugh, and you have their respect. I hate this Game. Logic is useless in the world of Rhetoric… because they aren’t good at it so they default to Rhetoric where only the Loudest and Rudest can “win.”
But most interesting about this is — when you reach that delicate point — where you are ready to Win them over, keep the peace, nourish them, and let them down gently, while giving a display of your Power — that is, 1 ml of Humility so they can taste what they are up against — that kind of Power Control lets them know just how strong you really are. To give a twinge of Controlled Humility in a precise dosage like 1ml shows them just how Disciplined you are in the world of Conversation Warfare.
I wasn’t always like this.
Too often, they would kick me. I would let them.
They would kick me. I would let them.
They would kick me. BOOM!
I would hit them with my Rod of Truth and break them.
“That really wasn’t a fair fight, was it?” I would ask Mother Nature, to which she always replied, “No. No, Anna. It wasn’t. You cannot hit people with the Rod of Truth.”
“Okay…” I would say. And that became an Anna Rule.
Anna is not allowed to break people with The Rod of Truth.
I withdrew for several weeks and gave this a lot of thought. “How then?” I pondered. Only one Logical answer was viable. Humility with that twinge dosage.
“Oh!” I exclaimed. “That is what Humility is for! To teach the Arrogant how small they really are when they insist on throwing tomatoes at you in public!”
I pondered this and analyzed Humility… Too often people were abused with Degradation. This is not Humility. And this is where my BDSM Mistressing Skills allow me a Perspective on Humility most people miss.
Humility with a Loving Touch. You want just enough to shed a spotlight on The Fool. The Fool’s Limelight. The Emperor is Naked.
Reading Hans Christian Anderson’s The Emperor’s New Clothes is a great example of proper Humility.
I was starting to understand.
The right time to use Humility is when the Fool — The Arrogant — puts his Abuse on Display so “All can see how I defeat you!” Not only do they not defeat me… but you also make a Fool of the Arrogant.
It is when he puts his Abuse on Display that Humility is called for. If you call them out on it, they deny. Remember — They do not use Logic. Only Rhetoric. Which is a world without Reasoning.
Having the Consciousness Awareness for Tit-For-Tat Strategy goes a long way in Conversation Navigation. The more skilled you are in this, the easier the Conversation flows. Ultimately, I avoid it at all costs. But when the Gauntlet is thrown down, the Game you play thereafter will show others precisely where you are in Skills.